R.I.P
English Translation
Hello!
(´∀｀)
It has been two weeks
since I left home.
Somehow,
I am still alive.
I am living alone
in a room I can stay in only for a short time.
From there,
I commute to work,
and come back home hungry.
However,
there is something
a little different from
ordinary “living alone.”
The place where I live
is also a
student dormitory.
(ノ・ω・)ノ Ooooooh—★
Which means
I am living together
with kids who are basically university students…
And if I reserve meals through an app,
I can eat breakfast and dinner
for less than eating out.
So I eat
in the dining hall
with those university students.
There is a big age gap,
and everyone lives here for different reasons,
so we don’t talk.
But even so,
after coming back from work,
the warmth of the dining hall
softens my heart.
…
Living alone is really hard.
The only person I can rely on is myself.
Money keeps disappearing.
Prices keep rising.
Fatigue.
Everyday work.
And at the same time,
I am looking for the next job.
…
To be honest,
I was being pushed
to my limits.
I devoted myself to my family—
cooking, doing housework,
spending my own money.
And yet,
in the end,
I was told to leave.
At night,
I think about this a lot.
But one answer
finally came to me:
“If this is God’s will,
then maybe it can’t be helped.”
When things were unbearable,
I once went to a Catholic church.
I was never baptized,
but I was suffering so much
that I emailed the church and asked:
“May I pray there?”
They replied with these kind words:
“We won’t try to recruit you.
We won’t speak to you.
You can just be here.”
Those words meant everything to me.
For a while,
every Sunday,
I went to church
and learned the act of praying.
I struggled and thought deeply.
People talk about something bigger—
heaven,
a higher self,
many things.
But in the end,
humans are human,
and this world feels like it is governed
by something beyond human understanding—
something like God.
And I started to think
that we cannot resist
what such a being decides.
The fact that my life isn’t going well,
that I don’t have money,
that I don’t have stable work—
If I have tried and tried
and still ended up here,
then if this is what God desires,
maybe it can’t be helped.
Thinking that way,
I felt
a little lighter.
Someday,
R.I.P.
I will be able to rest
in eternal sleep.
I am already in my 50s,
so I probably don’t have
that much time left.
Living, suffering—
this kind of life
was given to me by heaven, by God.
And if this life
is what God wishes for me,
then
so be it.
(´∀｀)★
So I listen to music.
When I listen to music,
I realized
I can breathe more easily.
Music is
my only light.
If I have to leave this temporary place,
if I have to go back
to a harsh home with difficult people,
if I have to experience
a living hell there—
maybe that can’t be helped either.
But
if I have music,
maybe I can survive somehow.
Wearing my headphones,
staring ahead,
I think about that.
Also,
because I eat hearty meals
meant for university students every day,
I’ve turned into a pig 🐷
(´∀｀)
That too is life.
C’est la vie.
Running out of money,
going back home,
becoming homeless—
that too is life.
C’est la vie.
Even when I R.I.P.,
that too will be
c’est la vie.
And drinking
a warm cup of coffee in the morning—
that also is
c’est la vie.
I have caught a bit of a cold.
I want to disappear like this,
but with a small bit of hope,
I wish that tomorrow
I will feel better.
And I hope
all of you
stay well too.
(´∀｀)★
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